It's Day 2 of Fall semester and my body is feeling the stress as I overcome jetlag and adjust to a new semester.
It's almost surreal to realize that i am already three-quarters through and finishing the last leg of the race.
It's my third year at RPI and i already consider myself to be a senior (although technically i'm a junior).
There's definitely a different feeling coming back to Troy after almost 2 months of refreshing break with family and getting a fresh new perspective on life while being around fellow ikhwah in Malaysia.
As I look at the course loads that i am going to carry throughout the semester, i start to have second thoughts of what I am doing.
i question, why am I doing all this? Why burden yourself with limited amount of free time?
Why max up all your credit hours and work 16 hours a week? Is it for the money? Is it worth it?
It made me realize that i have for so long been neglecting my wants. And it made me think, if I am not satisfying my wants, then what am i trying to satisfy?
Perhaps the obvious answer would be to satisfy my duty as a servant of Allah but as to how far the truth behind that goes, only Allah knows.
I realize now that i have long left the passage of childhoodness and immaturity but whether I have boarded the coach to maturity and adulthood, is another question left unanswered.
I used to dream of wearing suits and go to corporate meetings but as i get closer and closer to my dream, I realized that what I wanted was just a cosmetic show of power. and that's exactly the problem that I see with the current generation (my friends and colleagues). We're too focused on the cosmetic aspect of things that we forget about the purpose, value, and responsibility that comes along with the silk tie. Perhaps this might be the reason why so many Malaysians are so unpassionate about what they do, because they lack value and purpose. During my Summer break i have had many thought-provoking conversations which has truly opened my eyes to fundamental issues such as the Malaysian mentality. Normally such conversations would be around scholarships and PTPTN.
One of the biggest problems that i see is that many scholars today do not understand their roles in the society. When asked, "why did you apply for such and such degree", many would answer "I dont know" or "It seemed intersting". Some good answers would include job prospects and some level of interest. However what i saw was a huge lack of passion in what they are pursuing. I continue by asking "What do you wish to do after graduation?" then a lot of idk's would show up and to me, this is worrying.
I am a firm believer that you should not set foot onto something untill you truly understand where it is taking you and what you expect to get from a certain experience. It is saddening to hear people who gets hundreds of thousands of Malaysian taxpayers money to suddenly get off field once they graduate. It's saddening not because they are leaving the field of study, but because they never even tried to commit to it in the first place.
Alhamdulillah, it's my third year and i am loving what i am pursuing. I hope that some day I can truly be the investment that MARA wanted in the first place. I have to admit, after seeing the course load that I have to go through this semester + work + extra curricular stuff and balancing that with ISMA, I started having second thoughts about pursuing Master's during my fourth year. But in the end, I felt such obligation to make full use of this youth that Allah has given me, and the financial benefit that I have been blessed with. Too many of us have been influenced by the hype of arab spring that we only see the negative side of the government. Honestly I feel blessed to have received this scholarship and i take it as a job, an occupation.
Too many of us are wasting time trying to fight the system rather than trying to make it work. I refuse to be one of those people.
Besides, 21 is the age when Al-Fateh conquered constantinople. If he can do it, why not us ? :)
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